Privacy vs. Intimacy: The Hard Truth About Attraction

I’ve been married for 16 years. And here’s why my marriage is still alive and exciting:
My husband has never seen me sitting on the toilet, shaving my legs in the shower, or walking around half-dressed in stained pajamas.

Why? Because I don’t confuse privacy with intimacy.

Somewhere along the way, people started believing that “true love” means showing your partner absolutely everything. Every messy detail. Every bathroom routine. Every bloated, exhausted, unfiltered moment.

And then they wonder why the spark dies.

Here’s the truth no one wants to say out loud: men are visual. Attraction is visual. Desire thrives on mystery. If you strip away all mystery in the name of “radical openness,” don’t be surprised when he stops seeing you as his lover and starts seeing you as his roommate.

Love doesn’t disappear. Respect doesn’t disappear. But sexual polarity does. And once that’s gone, it’s almost impossible to get back.

I know this sounds harsh, but it’s reality:

• Yes, your partner should accept you as you are.
• No, that doesn’t mean you should show them everything.
• Comfort is not an excuse to kill attraction.

I love the fact that after 16 years, my husband still gets the wow effect when I walk down the stairs fully transformed, glowing, intentional in how I present myself. Even my choice of clothes is a mystery until the reveal. That surprise matters. It fuels admiration.

And here’s my take that will upset some people:
1 – Overexposure is a choice.
2 – “We’re just comfortable with each other” is often code for “we stopped trying.”
3 – If you treat your partner like they don’t deserve your effort, don’t be shocked when they stop seeing you as irresistible.

We keep intimacy alive not by sharing everything, but by knowing what to protect.
Privacy is not distance. Privacy is sex appeal.

And if you don’t believe me… just ask yourself why the couples who insist “we’re so open, we do everything together” so often end up sleeping in separate beds.

Attraction dies when you kill the mystery. Keep some things to yourself. For the sake of your relationship.